Microsoftland
The start menu slams
An error wave file plays
I am trapped in a prison
And crashed ten times today
Bill Gates had a vision
Along with IBM
But someone got a little greedy
And sacrificed the software lamb
So now Dos is dead
IBM and Macintosh are hanging
At the end of the thread
And Gates controls almost everthing
OS2/WARP and Copland
System 7 and Unix
Are going Windows, just like he planned
So what if Macintosh did it back in '86
And Gates Programming Faults (GPFs)
Make Win 95 into swiss cheese
My sound won't work, my screen won't resize
The hard drive formats everytime I sneeze
So for every computer user left
Who is enslaved and broke
I have only one request
Separate the pig from its poke
The Setup Wizard can't find
The Setup Wizard path
The calculator crashes everytime
You do simple math
The spellchecker refuses
To call Windows a word
Whenever I write about the rubbish
I've experienced in the Microsoft world
Plug and play won't load
And you can't recycle the recycle bin
You can't turn off your computer
Until it squeezes in one more sin
It's just one more day
Of headaches and jams
Silicon lies and the world's greatest swindle
In Microsoftland
I've dealt with little kids
Who play with their food
And color on the walls
But this isn't quite as good
Somewhere in the startup files
Are several programs worth remembering
They are encrypted and hidden
So there's no chance of uninstalling
Microsoft GPF Doubler runs
Everytime you try to multi-task
And the psychic windows for workgroups
Always knows the wrong questions to ask
No one knows what
Section Error 14001b.4 means
And we really don't like how
Defrag blows our hard drive into smithereens
And I detest how they used
My palm print from kindergarten
To make an ergonomic mouse
And no, I haven't forgotten
How additional software
Seems to include
Those essential updates for the errors
That blacken our moods
My monitor blinks now when I crash
And I can hear the memory go wham wham wham
The hard drive just grinds uselessly
Is there no escape from Microsoftland?
Why have a Dos windows
That won't do dos things?
Nothing in it works right
But remind you of useful computer things
That you can no longer do.
You could call it an upgrade that's pretty darn swell
Even though you couldn't go back if you wanted
So, in a way, you've been sent into Micrsoft hell.
Would it help to rant and rave
And sacrifice a chicken
Over the stack of boxes and bills
Crucify a Sega Saturn
And pray to the Gates-God on high
While turning off everything
And using Windows with a sigh
To benchmark my computer for crashing?
I didn't mean to buy a boat anchor
And sell my soul to the man
Responsible for an electronic madness
Called Microsoftland
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